drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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