At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
