Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
