Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
