dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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