Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
