I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
