I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I need moral support for this bender
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
