Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
