My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
