I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
