walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
