it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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