mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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