Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
