There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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