yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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