O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
