your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.