I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.