So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.