My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.