Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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