now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
