I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?