happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
