Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
