Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
