How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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