1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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