I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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