Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
