I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
