God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
