Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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