i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
