i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
