Ambien. No doubt about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
