I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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