I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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