Define "chronic" masturbator.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
