I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
