I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
