just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
