he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
