Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
