She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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