The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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