I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
