remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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