I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
