ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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