R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
