Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
