shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
