Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
