Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
