Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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