hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Buhtt sex?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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