I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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