stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
