you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
