if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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