you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
