3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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