Duck Duck Cougar?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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