Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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