you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
this is an emotional support booty call
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
