Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
