I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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