your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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