I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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