im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
