I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
