you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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