if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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