WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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