I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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