I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
