Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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