We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
