I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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