At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
