we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
