we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
