Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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