burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
