the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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