I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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